The Traveler
by Rick Spiff
Summary: OC in Nerima, weird fight scenes, weak attempts at humor. Was supposed to be the first part of a novel-length story, good for a quick read.


Episode 1: James in Nerima.

* * *

Disclaimer: As per usual, I know nothing of these characters... okay, I know a bunch but I don't own them and this work is non-profit anyway. May be distributed freely over any media as long this document remains complete. Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted by Viz Media and the creation of Rumiko Takahashi-sama. No disrespect, just entertaining people by writing an (hopefully) interesting story. God bless.

AUTHOR'S _VERY IMPORTANT_ NOTE: This is a very old story, intended to be part of a longer series. It gave birth to some weird ideas about parallel reality SF epics... but to be honest, it's been done before, and by better writers. The 'Converging Series' err, series, and Jim Bader's 'Realities' series to name but two in this anime _alone_. Anywho, I'm trying to keep things somewhat updated here, so it's posted for completeness' sake. Enjoy.

Introductory note: As should have been explained in a later episode, James is an OC with a sentient tattoo. Ergo the weird bracketed text and stuff. There used to be two pages of exposition and formatting notes up here… it was some ugly stuff. I cut that crap out, but left the remainder of the story intact. It didn't age well.

* * *

Coughing, sputtering, wet, confused, and cussing fluently in three different languages (English, bad English, and horrible Japanese), James Rahn came crawling ashore a peaceful and very full canal in the middle of Nerima. Thankfully, it was warm and pleasant outside, with a gentle wind sighing through the nearby trees. They sky was a subdued blue with banks of large white clouds floating around like air-bound cruise liners. Had he realized where he was, he probably wouldn't have cared. The water in his left ear was really getting to him. It had been a long week; water in the ear was just another straw on this camel's back. Water in the ear was the FINAL straw. It was enough to make him scream... had he been anyone else. But he was James, and James was always cool.

"Of all the..." He muttered aloud, then started cussing again.

Quite some time passed before the out-of-sorts Traveler had calmed enough to be approached by someone not wearing a suit resistant to extremely caustic chemicals. By that time, James have went from direct, vulgar, and extremely loud insults all the way down to very lame, slightly religious slurs. This was for two reasons. One: He didn't really have much of a religion himself, and didn't bother to make any slurs towards anyone else's. It wasn't something he was inclined to argue/debate about. Two: The specific slur he had uttered that made him finally stop with the ranting was particularly lame, meaning something close to 'that cow isn't as sacred as my cow, though it doesn't make much of a difference.' It sounded tougher in the native Swahili dialect he spoke it in though.

The rant was forgotten, however, as more and more of a certain somebody's energies were diverted to removing one really stubborn water particle from his left ear.

In James' vast experience, water usually went about its own way, only influenced by other environmental or physical factors directly. Water did not specifically attack him. Water didn't single out anyone person for punishment, come to think of it. That was excluding the one guy just standing there staring at the tidal wave about to crash down upon him, but water was acting like a force of nature in that instance, weeding out the bad stock.

Water DID NOT deliberately stick itself in a very important and vital place necessary for the comfortable continuation of life and STAY THERE no matter WHAT the targeted human tried. It just didn't.

Where he came from, water was simply not a living thing. {It seems James needs to learn about a peculiar aspect of this world: magic.}

He was just about to inform the water of that fact in a colorful way when he felt someone approaching. He stopped and looked to see who had come a knocking. Standing in front of James was an Asian youth, seventeen, maybe eighteen years of age. He was about 1.7 meters tall, maybe seventy five kilos, and well built for a kid his age. The boy's black hair looked he'd never seen a comb and was tied into a short pigtail in the back. He was wearing a nice red silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of loose, comfortable-looking black pants.

"'Cuse me, man. But are you okay?"

James himself stood and looked at the youth. He was just a few inches taller, and a good ten kilos heavier, all muscle. His face was ringed with a number of nearly invisible scars, blending into an otherwise normal looks. He had blond hair trimmed short out of necessity even though it looked perfectly normal for him, and was wearing what used to be a white long-sleeved dress shirt and charcoal colored khakis. A simple hip-pack contained all of his worldly possessions.

James looked at his clothes unfortunately tattered and torn upon arrival, le sigh! and stood up slowly. Finding nothing broken, he nodded to himself and spoke out loud. "Yes, I'm quite all right, just a little wet. Um... this may sound like a damn weird question, but where am I and what is the date?"

The young man didn't seem at all surprised at the question... unusual. "Tokyo, in Japan. Nerima ward. It's August. August 10th, 1996."

"Excellent. At least I'm on Earth."

That _did_ seem to confuse the boy a bit. "If ya don't mind me askin' are you a... Hibiki?"

James paused to identify the word. As far as he could reason, it was simply a name. By this boy's use of it, a family name. "No. Why? Do I look like one?"

"Uh, not really. You just sound like ya have their sense of direction." He scratched the back of his head.

"No. My name is James Rahn." He paused, as if expecting something. "I'm a sort of traveler, but sometimes I don't know where I'm going."

That sounded a bit like a Hibiki to Ranma, but he didn't press. After all, Ryouga usually knew where he was going to go, and got lost anyway... "Um, I'm Ranma Saotome. Nice ta meet ya."

"The pleasure's all mine, I assure you. Say, is there some place I can get cleaned up? I didn't plan on being... tossed into a canal today."

"Oh, I _know_ what you mean. Sure, I'm going over to Tofu's to get this looked at." James didn't quite follow what Ranma gestured at. "He won't mind if you wash up there."

"This 'Tofu' is a person?"

"You're obviously not from around here." Now that Ranma was moving, James could see that he was walking with a slight limp, and looked a little roughed up. He didn't notice this earlier because of his surprise and anger at landing in the water freshly upon his arrival. He felt he _could_ use a shower, however.

"Nope."

* * *

Tofu proved to be an quite experienced and very nice doctor, who knew Ranma fairly well. He seemed surprised, in fact, to see James dripping wet (well, really just excessively damp), and Ranma bone dry. James took that look to mean that Ranma usually showed up soaking wet, especially with Dr. Tofu's comment. 'Usually it's Ranma who shows up soaking wet.'

A conversation was quickly struck up, Dr. Tofu being the curious type.

"You're from where?"

Explaining... this James didn't mind doing. "From another dimension. An alternate plane of reality, if you will."

"How is it that you can travel here?"

"I... jump. Shift. Phase? It's kind of hard to explain, and very dangerous. I've heard stories of some who have tried using machines... those experiments didn't end very well. At least I use a more 'reliable' method. Heh."

"Well..." Tofu seemed at a loss for words. It was something so simple to James, even though he'd jumped what, a half dozen times? It _was_ a little strange to try and wrap your brain around the concept if you had never heard of or experienced it before.

"I know. I was the same way when I first found out. It's different then you think it is... er, might be..." He paused, ever so slightly confused. It was just a _little_ hard to describe dimension-hopping, and assume that this man had done it before could only be described as an act of monumental stupidity of the likes only witnessed by James himself. "...I mean..."

"Is it like the Nanban mirror?" Asked Tofu.

Predictably, James was at a loss.

"Well, it's kinda hard to describe." Said Ranma.

"Nanban mirror? Dimension shifting device? Takes you to alternate worlds?" A pair of nods. "How?" James reminded himself to stop babbling and waited for the hard-pressed teen to answer.

"It... can take you where you want to go if you ask it right. It's magic... um, when I used it, it showed me a future where Ryouga had... had married..." he almost choked the word out, "Akane."

Akane? Ryouga? "Soooo. Magic, you say? Do you have it?"

"No, after I broke it, the old lech took it back."

Item: One magically-powered dimensional movement device, broken. Item: One 'old lech' in possession of said device. Problem: 'Old lech' he didn't understand.

"Say who?"

"Happosai." Ranma spat out the word with more than a small measure of disgust.

"Are you looking for this mirror?" Chimed in Dr. Tofu.

"In a manner of speaking, yes. Just for examination purposes."

"I can understand."

James looked at the Doctor a little harder. "You can?"

"I'm curious about the biological uniqueness of Jusenkyo-cursed people because it's beneficial to their health and my effectiveness as a Doctor. You are curious about other devices which allow inter- dimensional travel because they can directly affect you and the relative health of the dimensions around you."

"Y'know, you're pretty damn smart, Doctor."

"Well I didn't get through medical school on my looks alone, and around here you become accustomed to thinking about these kind of confusing things."

Something... Missing something... aha! James raised a finger. "Jusenkyo-cursed?"

"Um, that's a little personal. Is it imperative for you to know?"

Me? "Well, I've never trusted magic much, and if any Jusenkyo- cursed people are involved with magic, it would be nice to be educated about them, least I be... surprised." Ranma looked a tad offended, but James didn't notice.

"Well, magic is the very device by which Jusenkyo curses operate. Listen carefully."

Dr. Tofu proceeded to explain in detail about Jusenkyo curses. A condition where a person was cursed to change into an alternate form (animals, monsters, and in Ranma's case, a girl) with cold water, but change back with hot water. James wasn't too interested in these souls apart from the fact they were formidable martial artists. The whole curse thing sounded like a real pain. Imagine if he'd turned into a duck or a cow upon hitting the water. Well, good news for him, there didn't seem to be any reason to go all the way to China, something he would avoid at all costs around here. Besides, he had more important tasks on hand.

He had to take care of that mirror.

"And how do I identify it?" James asked Ranma.

"It's silver, looks old, and has a long crack down the middle."

"Oh. Piece of cake."

"What do you want the mirror for, James?" Tofu asked.

"Get rid of it or lock it out. No unauthorized dimensional travel. That device doesn't show you a possible world, but a real world that IS a possible certainty." He blinked. "Never mind, it shouldn't be here. It was probably created by some renegade mage or something. I just have to get rid of it."

All told, Tofu's explanation was mercifully quick, sparring James a lecture on medical-speak, which he hadn't cared for since he was a boy. Fortunately, Tofu had some patients to attend to, leaving James and Ranma to let themselves out.

James had been taking good notes. Him and Ranma decided to leave for the dojo, but first Ranma had something to explain while they were safely out of earshot of the rest of town.

They sat alone in the waiting room, conversing in low tones as to not disturb the doctor in the next room.

"So what now?" Asked Ranma.

"Well, I have a question. Do things ever seem... off around here?"

"Off?"

"Odd, unusual. Y'know, around here?" For some reason, James felt odd attempting to communicate the definition of unusual to someone who changed sexes with the application of water, but having seen things even weirder in the short time he'd been 'jumping' had prepared him to see strange things. Besides, Ranma was a martial artist and had to have some idea about the 'feel' of this place.

"Well," He scratched the back of his head. "Uh... you'd have to define 'off'."

Oooh. "Well... never mind. Onto the next order of business. Clothes."

"Clothes?"

"Yes. I need you to take me shopping." As if you can't _see_ all the mud on my formerly _new_ shirt!

For some reason, Ranma looked downright uncomfortable. "Shopping?"

"I've never shopped in Japan. And on that note, I finally have... yen, is it?"

"How are you going to go shopping then?"

"I didn't say I was broke." Said James with a smile.

"Aheh... oookay." Said Ranma. "What're ya gonna do first?"

James stood dramatically. "First, we go to a large bank and see if I can get some dollars changed into yen. Second, we go to a reasonably priced clothing store and I buy a new set of clothes." Thirdly, figure out what was wrong _here_.

"Why are you holding your pants like that?"

"It involves a psycho, a sickle blade, and the words 'attempted castration.' I don't believe you need to know the rest."

"Uh, sure thing."

Of course the bastard would have to cut the fucking BUTTONS off!!! James began ranting inside his head.

* * *

After a quick stop at the bank to exchange currency (for some reason, neither James nor Ranma trusted the local money handler, Nabiki, any more than they could... well, they could both throw her quite some distance...) and another stop to obtain new, clean, and _working_ clothes, James was the picture of happiness. Well, as happy as one could be, walking around in a foreign country with no idea where home was, or whether it was worth trying to get back there. At least he could speak the language.

James and Ranma did a lot of walking. In fact, it looked to James as if Ranma had never ridden in a car before. He probably wouldn't much care for it anyway; he looked like a nature-loving martial artist to James. James wasn't about to drive anything himself anyhow. First, it was too expensive and the vehicle usually got destroyed anyway. Second, the traffic in Tokyo was bad enough without him clogging the road.

While walking this distance, they did their fair share of talking about what's what, and learning a bit about each other. Actually, James was doing most of the talking, virtually interrogating Ranma about the various aspects of life in Nerima-ku. {I'm pretty sure the suffix -ku means 'ward' as in Nerima is a ward of Tokyo; a suburb. If it's wrong, blame my English teachers.}

The one thing he kept coming back to was... well, it was how screwed up Ranma's life was. Hell, it was worse than his!

"Ranma, your life sounds even worse than mine!"

"How so?"

"Eh? You don't think so?"

"Well, I'm just wonderin'."

"Oh, not having a permanent home, little family, enemies abound. Mine's just a bit more confusing, that's all."

"Heh, confusing? Try changing genders every time the weather does."

"Speaking of which..."

"Oh shit."

* * *

James was a little amused at Ranma's attitude while soaking wet. Sure, there was the normal 'crap, I'm all wet' deal, but in Ranma's case there was also, 'crap, I'm a girl again.'

He still thought it was funny.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I just think I could get to like this place."

As they closed in on the Tendo dojo, James could tell from afar that this was one structure that suffered major damage on frequent occasions. None of the patchwork could have been more than a year old, and there was even one patch on the roof that was only half finished as of their arrival.

And then there was the neighborhood itself. James was always a little of a nature-man himself (James the monk was an oxymoron, even if it wasn't too far off), and approved of the non-invasive architecture abound every corner. Fair size parks dotted their path back to the dojo, and the whole place just seemed... well, peaceful, compared to home. Besides, with the rain scrubbing the world, the air smelled sweet and clean and inviting. Just the kind of place that James wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life.

"RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIIIEEEEEEE!!!" A loud cry issued from a pair of healthy lungs.

James barely threw himself out of the way of the incoming projectiles fast enough, but still managed to get tears in his clothes in no less than three locations.

"Okay, he dies." Muttered the Traveler, feeling somewhat abused after enjoying this world for only two hours. Not that he would seriously consider killing the boy--he'd just beat him badly--but still! His clothes! His NEW clothes!

Then a yellow and brown blur shot by James on a collision course with Ranma-chan, screaming something about vengeance and attacking the red-haired girl while holding onto what James was quite sure fit the description of a red bamboo umbrella...

"Hold it!" He shouted hotly. Someone was going to pay for this shirt.

"What? How dare you interrupt me while I am extracting vengeance from this bastard Ranma!"

At this point it was beyond obvious that this guy had something with Ranma. So, of course, James had to point it out. "What the HELL is wrong with you! You just trashed my new and totally cool shirt!!!"

"Ah..." Nervous now? What was with this guy? "Gomen. I was trying to--"

"Kill Ranma. I caught that part."

"Who are you?"

"Death, vengeance, American, and _VERY_ pissed off." Now it was James' turn to attack.

This turned out to be less foolish than it first seemed. Ryouga was unnaturally strong, for a _human_, but James found he still had the edge in speed as they exchanged blows. Ryouga was parrying a lot of good stuff from James even with one hand on his umbrella, and James was using anything on hand as a weapon in addition to his own fists. First came blocks of concrete which were crushed to powder almost by _touching_ the umbrella. Next came a stray lamp post (James wasn't quite sure how it had gotten loose, but he got Ryouga to stand under it while he knocked it over). After that came walls, lawn furniture, rubble, bits of someone's bicycle, a shop curtain, several rocks, a wooden chest...

Then the rain _really_ started to come down.

James leaned aside a powerful blow launched by Ryouga, grinning as his opponent was suddenly forced to be a lot more careful in covering himself from the downpour and still continue the fight. The heavens were weeping, but it was unclear if and who they were cheering for. Luck was on James' side, as he slid combo after combo through Ryouga's hurting defense to slam the young martial artist with powerful techniques.

Which were brushed off like the blows of insects.

The two remained at an impasse, moving as a pair of blurs while millions of falling drops of water filled the air between them. Both easily adjusted to the changes in their environment, but Ryouga was hurting for having to cover himself constantly from the water. James took note of this, but continued his non-stop assault seemingly without giving it a second thought.

Ranma-chan remained back a bit, still following the two on a haphazard course through most of Nerima. James was good. Very good, even against Ryouga, but he was still holding back a lot. Maybe he was enjoying this? And what on earth was up with Ryouga? By now he would have turned tail and ran, being at such a disadvantage in the renewed rainstorm.

Ryouga launched a couple of lunge-punches, forcing James back, who responded with a quick sidestep and a few elbows at point blank range. Then James feinted for the umbrella, full-well knowing of Ryouga's curse from how the Lost Boy covered himself. Ranma had left little hints here and there too, something James was a master at picking up on. Ryouga countered instead of blocking, nearly catching James with a quick knee. James twisted and slammed his left fist into Ryouga's face ten times in the blink of eye, just before the lost boy could step back, mostly unhurt. James looked down at his fist.

"Tough crowd." The Traveler commented.

Ryouga merely growled in reply and charged James again, who leapt away and up onto the fence of a nearby property, one that happened to have a pond in the yard. Ryouga followed grimly, umbrella still held stiffly, and attacked James from the ground. Ranma-chan was close behind and could see the events unfolding from an ideal vantage point as she gained the fence as well.

Hey, she was home.

Sure enough, Ryouga caught sight of the Tendo dojo through the hated rain as he made the fence as well, turning to face the insolent American who was grinning like he was worth a million bucks. Not that Ryouga would know a million bucks from a million Pesos, but the meaning of James' expression was plain to any member of human race (and even a few alien species).

Ryouga lifted off with a couple of quick kicks to keep the faster man at bay, then pulled back as James bent his body around the whole barrage without blinking and nearly caught Ryouga's shirt front.

"Hah! Damn, you're pretty good!" Shouted James excitedly.

"Just hold... still and... fight!" Ryouga managed to shout as James let out his own flurry of kicks in response. Clearly he was having fun fighting in the rain. And where had Ranma-chan run off to?

Unfortunately, that lapse of concentration was to be Ryouga's downfall. The rain had been getting steadily worse over the last two minutes of James and Ryouga's fight, and as Ryouga slowed a bit to search for his original target (still not completely ignoring James), James had an idea.

An evil idea.

James pulled back and rolled his shoulders against the cold, taking a second to curse the rain on his new clothes, then put his plan into motion. He shot forward like a bullet, catching Ryouga off guard, forcing the boy back against a hail of blows. James pulled back just as Ryouga regained a solid stance and proceeded to go all out a foot shy of actually hitting the lost boy.

Before Ryouga or even Ranma-chan could see what James was up to, a sudden swell of wind from James' techniques caused the rain next to Ryouga to go sideways. No totally prepared for a blast of cold water, Ryouga was caught unawares and desperately blocked with the umbrella. In the split-second opening, James leapt to the yard below, by the pond.

Ryouga poked his head out, seething, and followed the man down to the yard. He never saw it coming. In the instant his eyes locked on the Tendo residence, James slammed two open hands into the Koi pond, driving a single stream of cold and dirty water right at Ryouga.

This time the umbrella did not come in time.

"Bweee!" Said the small black pig angrily.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I win."

* * *

Lightning barked outside, occasionally lighting up the great deluge of water that was pouring down on Nerima as though God had decided to weed out the 'evil people' again. The Tendos were warm and inviting people though, and although James still felt a bit like a bug under a microscope, at least they had dropped their outright suspicion after he had explained why he was here.

"This is my fifth jump, Tendo-san." James said to Nabiki's latest question.

Genma-panda held up another sign. [Are you sure you aren't here to kill anyone?]

"Not unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't like killing people."

"What about that guy that slashed up your 'jeans' earlier?" Piped up Ranma-chan to keep herself in the conversation.

"I had considered it, but it would be a little foolish to kill over clothes."

Ranma-chan glared at P-chan.

James rolled his shoulders. His shirt had dried a bit, but he was itching for a hot shower. Then he remembered where he was, and decided it was wise to bank on the Japanese in this world preferring baths. Hmm, a hot soak would do him some good too.

"Any other questions?"

The rest of the table seemed oddly subdued. Nothing unusual about a dimension-hopping man with a tattoo on his arm that sometimes glowed and stung like a mother fucker.

Must happen all the time around here.

"I have one." Said Ranma-chan slowly. Nabiki was already halfway to her room, and the two elders had set up a board game near the open doors at the far end of the room. Beyond, James could see the rain continue unabated, and silently wished for a bath.

"Shoot."

"How did you hold off Ryouga like that?"

"Fighting style or tenacity?"

Ranma-chan's face scrunched up in a way that meant plain distaste. James was tempted to laugh, as it looked so out of place, but he still remembered that Ranma was a boy, not a girl, and somehow managed to hold a straight face.

"Hmm, where'd ya learn ta fight like that, for starters."

"Ahh, style. Lots. I just picked it up here and there, few classes, independent practice through high school, then I really got into martial arts just in the last three years or so. Picked up a couple of local trophies where I lived, then dropped out of the competitive circle. I kept up the practice, though. It's been a godsend since this whole loony trip started, and I've learned a LOT moving from place to place." He paused, barely aware that he was rambling. "Did you have a specific question?"

"That wind thing you did to move the rain."

James stood, dripping a healthy amount of water around. "Let's go outside, I'll demonstrate."

Ranma-chan nodded and followed the Traveler outdoors into the rain. Akane stood inside cuddling her P-chan close. She thought about going outside, but P-chan didn't seem to like James-san very much, even though he seemed like a nice guy. Besides, she had homework to do.

Kasumi stood slowly and moved toward the kitchen.

Yes, a peaceful day at the Tendo's.

* * *

James cross-blocked with both arms, catching the full force of Ranma-chan's kick on his guard, then struck out viciously at his moving target before she could land and move in on him. The pair were battling back and forth with abandon in the thick of a raging storm, sharing in something they both enjoyed immensely: a good fight. Ranma-chan clearly had the edge in speed and a some in form, but James made up for his lack of physical prowess by way of awesome skill and more brutal techniques, and a great variety of ingenious moves that had left Ranma-chan shadow boxing more than once.

There was no question his opponent was learning, mused James, but it was the pace that worried him. Twice he'd changed his pattern to keep her small but dangerous fists out of his guard, and twice she'd adapted, remarkably fast. "Try this!" James shouted as he did a quick spin of out range of a pair of round house kicks and launched the move he'd come up with while fighting Ryouga.

It was something that had just come to him in that instant, after the train incident nearly a week ago, and his many years of swimming for fun and sport, then finally, in the rain just a few moments ago. His hands cupped and moved in a complex pattern even as he stepped back, sending a stream of wind at the approaching figure, blowing an almost solid sheet of water at the girl.

She leapt, twisted, James rolled, and his heel bit into the wet earth hard, tearing up a good amount of perfectly good grass. It looked healthy, though. No real damage done (to the grass, that is). James lashed out with a few quick punches that were blocked or dodged with great ease. Ranma-chan countered his advance with a series rapid side kicks that James totally ignored as he moved sideways, striking for her head again.

Ranma-chan felt the move coming, and moved her head aside as a fist whistled past. A second punch made a glancing blow off her side, and she turned quickly preparing to hit James with something hard and painful when a hand came out of nowhere and smacked her in the head with a palm strike.

James hopped back as Ranma-chan flailed to the ground, dizzy from his hit. A good martial artist, but lacking focus. James thought.

The girl stopped spinning and quickly righted herself. Then, she drew up her guard and came slowly toward James with a scary smile on her face. "Like _this_ is it?!" On the word 'this' she moved her hands in imitation of James' new technique, sending a blinding spray of water at his face. James ducked, then ducked again as a kick whipped over his head. He rolled, bouncing to his feet smoothly, and threw out a ridge hand from the very limit of his range, then followed up with a dragon tail, intending to catch Ranma-chan in the knees.

Ranma-chan narrowly missed the first strike, then went airborne to dodge the second, leaping away from James to give herself some distance. Too late, she realized she'd been had. Another, more powerful, blast of air hit her hard, an un-blockable wave of force that threw her the distance of the yard, clean over the Koi pond and into the fence on the other side of the yard.

James himself seemed a little amazed, staring at his hands like they had just acquired a mind of their own. "...Never thought it could be _that_ powerful!" He said out loud.

Exactly! Thought Ranma-chan. She charged James all out now, covering the ten meter gap in less than a second, but stopping far short of hitting the arrival.

"Chestnut Fist Invisible Hand Strike!" She called out, both arms blurring as she used the freshly modified move on James, who still stood in amazement that someone could cover so much ground so fast.

A VERY good martial artist. Thought James just before a hurricane force wind tossed him through the wall and into the dojo.

"You didn't have to hit me that hard." Said James. Yes, a bath it was, and a very relaxing one, even if James wasn't used to sharing it with someone else. At least Ranma was a he now.

"You were the one who suggested we spar to try that one out."

"Silly me, I should have practiced it more before I tried to teach someone else."

"How long did it take ya to learn it?"

"I just came up with it while fighting your 'friend,' Ryouga."

The sound of dripping water, a deep sigh.

"Just came up with it--" Ranma snapped his fingers. "-like that?"

"Yeah. Doesn't happen much. I'm surprised it's even _possible_ to do something like that."

"Oh, it's certainly possible." Ranma mused. "But only with a _lot_ of practice."

"You could say I've been getting a lot of that lately. I've been here what, three hours? I've already been in two killer fights, nearly demolished a house, and been through two sets of clothes."

"Your pants were cut up before you got here."

"Yeah, but other than that, my outfit was okay until that little dunk in the canal."

"Heard that one before." Muttered Ranma as he left the bath to James.

Another deep sigh. I could get to like this place.

* * *

As pleasing as the bath was, James had to get out sooner or later. He did consider how rude it would have been to stay indefinitely. Unfortunately, his clothes were a mess, only his pants pulling through in wearable condition (and even that was up to debate). Ranma offered James one of his own Chinese shirts, a blue sleeveless deal that James fit into with only a little space to spare. It did occur to him that Ranma was just being nice about learning a new technique, and doubly so since James didn't have anything personal against Ranma.

Besides, James was just that kind of nice guy.

Night came uneventfully, and despite his pleading, James ended up spending the night on the couch (he begged to go elsewhere for quarters, rather than sleep in the Tendo's house, but...). With the dawn light, Kasumi found the living room empty. There were a set of well-used blankets on the couch, but no sign of James-san. Having lived with martial artists all her life, Kasumi quickly deduced that the new guest was outside practicing.

She was not far off. James was outside, but he was not really practicing martial arts, but meditating. Not meditating about martial arts either. Every since his little trip had begun (some two months ago, by his count) things had just gotten weirder and weirder. After the mess of gang-wars he'd faced down in the last dimension, he felt something was getting to him. Maybe the stress from repeatedly stepping through the fabric of time and meeting many alternate versions of the same punks, 'gangstas', serial killers and general nut cases was getting to him. Yeah, that might be it. Whatever the reason, he was firmly under control, and felt much better just by BEING here.

What wonders fresh air did for the soul.

Done with his angst for the day, and not even six in the morn, James set to do some balancing katas from his position on the roof of the dojo. Yes, the roof.

Odd guy.

Forty minutes later, Ranma came flying out of the second-story window courtesy of the Genma Express and an ordinary Tendo morning had begun.

* * *

"Guess who made breakfast!" Akane declared proudly from the head of the table. Genma was human still, thanks to a quick save from James, who was sporting new bruises. Ranma looked nonplused, and strangely male for a change.

The Tendos and Saotomes (excluding Akane, of course) looked at the self-proclaimed chef in mass horror. Suddenly begging off urgent business at seven in the morning, the remainder of the table fled. James glanced around a bit in confusion as Soun muttered something about a fiancees duty before bolting. It was still way too early by James' standards, because even with the very meaning of time bent and twisted around the new turns his life had taken, James was still James and it was still _too_ early.

"I'll have some." Offered James helpfully. Early, but James never turned down free food when he was indefinitely without house, friends, or other resources.

"Are you insane?!!"

"That's great!!!"

James' eyes bugged out. What the hell is going on here? He straightened his thoughts out before Ranma could open his mouth again, adverting another Mallet Mashing Disaster unknowingly. "What? It's not like it can kill me."

Ranma shook his head once, side to side, slowly. Bad move. His head then went down very quickly under the full force of the dreaded Akane Tendo Mallet Masher.

Maybe disaster was not adverted so easily.

The one sometimes referred to as the 'kitchen destroyer' turned to James with a million-watt smile. "Hold on just a sec and I'll have you set."

Before James could raise even his voice in question, a hot (read: recently flambeed), pile of... something dark and ugly, was shoved in front of him on a plate.

Ooh, a plate. I didn't think they'd use many of these in Japan. Hell, you always see people eatin' out of bowls and stuff, usually Miso soup. Yeah, Miso sounds pretty good right now, even some of that... whatcha callit, sushi, yeah! That sounds pretty good too. Neat breakfast they serve here too, nice style. But this... this...

"James-san? Are you going to try some?"

James blinked. Something was making his skin crawl. Damn it, he was doing it again, and Akane's cheerfulness was looking a little strained. He boldly grabbed his chopsticks, grateful for numerous late-night lessons in foreign fast-food consumption during his college 'daze.' Quickly he put one bite of the... food? Is this really food?! stuff in his mouth, and chewed quickly.

Stars erupted behind James' eyes; his brain felt like an elephant had just stepped on it. Reality itself twisted and distorted and his tongue tried to jump out of his tightly closed mouth. "Mmmm." He paused, forcing down the bile. Gotta make this look good! He didn't dare roll the... (he was still trying to find a word to describe it, toxic waste didn't do this cooking justice) er, stuff around his mouth. Time to swallow...

_GULP._

Ugh. Even worse going down. James though dejectedly. Well, not like the food would get any better, but even he knew better than to insult a female's cooking so blatantly as to... urm, later with that. He especially knew better when they put on this much charm with whatever they cooked.

"Fantastic Akane! Here Ranma, take a bite! We have to be off soon anyway, but keep up the good work!" James spewed out in one slush of words, jamming a bite of the concoction into Ranma's mouth as revenge for not giving him a more thorough warning. Then he bolted to his feet and grabbed Ranma's school bag in one swift motion, not knowing in the slightest it was Saturday despite Ranma's cries to the very fact not long ago when his father had awakened him for training. Then they were gone in a cloud of dust, only Ranma catching the gentile smile on Akane's face. The one that made her look so cute...

* * *

Five blocks away, James halted as though he had stepped into a puddle of super glue and began doing a nice imitation of a drunken frat guy in someone's bushes. Ranma himself didn't look so well either, but between having faced this horror before, and the elation that James had: One, made Akane smile, and two, Got them out before any damage could be done, combined to give him the strength needed to stay on his feet.

"My God!" James shouted after reviewing his seven course meal from two days ago... but not continuing as a fresh bout of 'Ralph' syndrome caught him. Ranma just stood there and tried to look half-amused (which was the usual for him) and half-innocent (which never worked for him, but at least he was trying not to get arrested for defacing someone's property).

By the bushes, James continued to salute his shoes.

"Damn, man! You could have warned me!!!" James was unhappy. This didn't happen all that often, but when it did, he felt the need to search for a responsible party (some kind of genetic urge, he swore), not himself, to blame for the whole thing.

And Ranma universally got blamed for everything, so...

"It could be used as weapon for crying out loud! That was food at one time in recent history?! Unreal! This stuff is--"

"James?"

"Yes?!"

"You're shouting."

"Oh... yeah. But, you see where I'm coming from?"

"All too well. Look, I told ya and all, and ya tried it anyway, so it _ain't my fault_."

"You're right Ranma. Sorry for yelling. Nice weather, storm excluded..."

"I didn't--" The most recent of recent events hit Ranma rather hard. "--not... my... fault?" It came out in a whisper.

"Yeah. I'm just a little edgy, y'know, something is going on, and sooner or later, it's coming for us."

Ugh. Thought Ranma. Probably more _water_.

As it turned out, water would later be involved, but the form of one blind Chinese restaurant waiter and part-time wannabe Ranma assassin was the next thing to cross Saotome's vision.

"SAAAOOOTOME..." Mousse growled, staring at James in a very unpleasant manner.

"Me?" James barely got out of the way of a half-dozen throwing stars pelted the bushes behind him, followed shortly by two swords, a half- dozen explosive eggs, five Nagitas and a training potty.

"Mousse, over here!" Shouted Ranma, standing just a few feet away from the ruckus.

James blinked. Ranma was inadvertently saving his hide! How did stuff like this keep happening?! How was he still alive?!

Mousse turned on Ranma like a bear fresh out of hibernation, only a blur to James' eyes. For several seconds, neither fighter offered nor gave any quarter as James just looked on in shock. Then the oddest thing happened. One second Mousse was letting loose an apocalyptic amount of weaponry at Ranma, the next it was a power line pole. A good, solid, metal-and-concrete pole too.

"Damn man, and I thought worldline 1703-X77R was dangerous."

"Huh?" Ranma intelligently inquired, picking at a new tear in his shirt.

"Just a random thought. Ah, where were we? Food and clothing, I believe."

"Sure, whatever." Said Ranma, distractedly poking at the hole in his shirt.

"Ouch, man."

And somewhere, hidden in the bushes, away from the raging Mousse and a good distance from something that Akane once called cooking and James once foolishly put in his mouth, a small object grinned the grin of the predatory, and followed its prey.

* * *

James had never been to a mall in Japan on his home world, and despite the fact that he considered himself an avid traveler--er, of his own planet, that is--he quickly found that he wasn't all that into malls in Japan. It wasn't the large glass and modern lighting that he was familiar with back in the states, but more of a group of semi-indoor markets and restaurants all blended together with the atmosphere of five rats being electrocuted in a blender. Liked, no, but he could get used to it.

Since wandering aimlessly was likely to draw a lot of stares, in spite (or perhaps because) of his nearly flawless Japanese, James resolved to try and stick close to Ranma. This made things Better, because Ranma was apparently seen around a lot of really weird stuff. An American speaking fluent Japanese and wearing a trashed set of clothing was not unusual enough to draw too many stares. At least he was well-known here.

"Hey, Ranma!" James flinched, then ducked aside at the sound of the voice, watching the angle between him, Ranma, and a basket of fresh... er, vegetable of some kind. No knives followed the voice, however, just a second call.

"Yeah, what are you doing out here?"

And lo, did James breathe a sigh of relief. The two teens actually looked nonplused about him, and weren't fling weapons or high-powered punches, or ki blast, or nucl--just a couple of kids James, _relax_.

Just a couple of kids.

"Ranma, is this a friend of yours, or did he just follow you here?"

The lighter haired one laughed rudely at that, and James was suddenly of the mindset that perhaps this boy would benefit from a skillfully applied concussion.

"C'mon, guys, this is just a visitor here for a few days. A..."

"Traveler." James interjected smoothly.

The two stopped laughing.

"Wha--YEAOUCH!!!" James suddenly started doing the Chinese fire drill, with the addition of an actual sleeve of his--er, Ranma's shirt on fire. Somewhere in the dungeon that was the Rahn mind, a one-eyed hunchback made a note to watch out for candle vendors in the future.

After finally dunking himself in someone's tank of fish (apparently set up for selling lunch) to put out the flames, and apologizing profusely, James returned to the scene of the crime to confront an angry Ranma.

"SOOO, thought you'd just torch my _clothes_ now, eh?"

"You can have what's left of mine ba--no, better idea."

"Wha, huh?"

"I'll just buy you a replacement."

"Umm, can you afford that?" James turned to the boy who had made the comment.

"Last time I questioned the need to keep a good supply of yen on hand, I was flat-broke in the middle of Tokyo proper. The time before that, I thought it might be a good idea to keep some on-hand at all times. Y'know, just in case. Well, I ended up Baghdad. They don't use Yen very much over there. But THAT is a whole other story." James snapped his arm out to the side, flinging off some of the excess water. "For now, I shop."

The two shook their heads.

"Here?" Ranma questioned.

"Downtown probably."

"Watch the traffic." Hiroshi remarked.

"I'll see ya back at the dojo, okay?"

"Eh? Oh yeah. Have fun with your friends."

"And watch out for the old freak."

"The what?"

Ranma mumbled past a mouthful of noodles as Daisuke paid the cook. "Short, wrinkled, staying at the Tendos. You wanted his mirror, remember?

"You mean that ball of ugly--TENDO'S?!!"

"..."

"He didn't look very happy." Remarked Hiroshi a moment later.

"No," Said Daisuke, helping Ranma remove the shirt James had been wearing a moment ago from the young martial artist's mouth. "Not happy at all."

* * *

James ran to the Tendo dojo like his hair was on fire, but without all the yelling and screaming and smoke and... well, you get the idea. He was basically running out of time. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that if he didn't make good on his little mission this world would be doomed.

Simple solution: get the mirror.

"This would have been a lot easier if Ranma had just told me this when I showed up!" He ranted to himself angrily. "I could have finished this up yesterday and wouldn't have to be running all over Japan looking for a two foot tall freak of nature with an underwear fetish." He neglected to mention that yesterday he was in no shape to take on a martial arts master who could defeat Ranma. Even Ranma had admitted it--not in so few words--and that had James a bit worried.

James paused to consider his own words for second, only the sound of his shoes beating the pavement echoing in his ears.

"I must be losing it, that didn't sound as bad as I thought it would."

A scant five minutes later, the uncanny dimension-hopper arrived at the Tendo dojo via sidewalks and the occasional rooftop. Seemed it was quicker to take the high road in a couple of cases. He paused one house away from his goal, scanning the area for trouble ahead.

Nothing that would stop him on a normal day. There was his target, the attic. He had to get to the attic. The mirror was in the attic. Where were the Tendos?

Again, the situation tried to bother him. Not only was he doomed to forever save one flagging reality after another, but here he was, leaping rooftops for transportation one minute ago to sneak into the house of the only hospitable people he'd met the next. All of it to steal a mirror with a crack in it.

Someone had tossed the dice while on PCP when James' fate was cast, he was sure of it. A shame there was nothing to laugh about when the subject of his concerns was the fate of all existence.

All clear.

"Hmm." James hmm'ed.

James dropped to the yard noiselessly and pressed his back against the house. Sounds of someone straining to practice Anything Goes in the rear yard shortly reached his ears. Fine. He could get inside the house anywhere from here. The windows were usually unlocked anyway.

The window was opened easily, the room scanned with practiced ease. Akane's room, James noted, with the window unlocked. Ranma said she regularly got into trouble with people just inviting themselves in, you'd think she'd learn to lock the sucker after a while. Well, she was in the backyard doing forms, so she wouldn't mind. Right?

Up to the end of the hall, stop Happi's little trap door. Pause for breath...

**BAM!**

James stood ready just inside the entrance to the letch's lair, eyes twitching, peering into every darkened inch. Silence. No one was there.

"Eeeeeexcellent." James Mr. Burns'ed.

And with that final declaration, the Traveler started his systematic search of the Lair of Evil, one pile of women's undergarments at a time. Something was striking salty tines of danger in his brain, but he let it slide. After a few minutes of searching, it became clear that this was not going to be a picnic. Among other reasons, the stupid tattoo was really starting to hurt, like someone was holding a branding iron to his arm. Second, the mirror was still nowhere to be found. Third, it smelled... well, bad wasn't _quite_ the word.

Wait a minute...

James stood straight up in the center of the room, extending the marked arm out like divining rod. He then slowly turned in a circle, the mark--the bane of his very strange existence--sparkling red and drawing rainbow-colored light streaks in the air. Point this way, stings worse, flashes more. Point over there, little hurt, little flash. Point... ah, Sailor Moon transformation type flashing. Hot and cold.

Bingo.

James walked into the indicated corner of the room, which didn't stick out in any way. It wasn't really boring, it just didn't leap to the mind as anything remotely important. The work of a true martial arts Master. James paused, then carefully reached his hand into the pile of cloth, grasping a small metal object that had some substantial weight.

Pulling it free, James was greeted with a very old-looking silver mirror. "Cool." He turned and--

"So." Sneered the master of Anything-Goes Lechery.

"That would be my brother, I'm James." James tried to one-line.

"Your evil shall not go unpunished, 'James', and your loss of trust shall be your downfall!"

James made a 'harrumph!' type of noise and decided to get down to business. "You want the mirror, you can take it!"

Happosai's eyes narrowed. James remained in position, watching the old man like a hawk. For long seconds, nothing happened, just the sight of one very large, very tall American staring at one very small, very old, very, very lecherous and very powerful martial artist.

Until James made a grab for the panties.

When in doubt, attack the other guy's principle.

"NO!" Happosai screamed, whipping out a spheroid... thing that had a fuse on it and looked disturbingly like a ridiculous cartoon bomb, and tossed it at James.

James stopped on the proverbial dime--the explosive sailing right past the front of his face--and turned to face the master, who was nearly glowing with anger. James lowered his eyes. "Here," He held out the mirror.

"That's more like it!" Happi swiped the object from James' hands at warp five, and James was immediately after another pile. "Hey! You INGRATE!"

**BOOM!**

This time the dimension-traveler turned time-line savior turned petty thief got blasted out of the attic in a cloud of dust, wood splinters, and women's underwear. He stood up in the middle of an alley some five blocks away, with a minor number of scratches and bruises. At least the letch wasn't trying to kill him. He'd live.

Then he paused to look at his clothing.

"Oh shit," Then he carefully pocketed the mirror. It looked like that little task had cost him something important after all.

* * *

Back in the attic...

"That weakling. No fighting talent at all. Stupid gaijin..." Mumbled Happosai, looking at his prize.

"Wha?" A plate of Akane's cooking stared at the Master. Well, not literally, but a few more minutes and it just might.

The master stared back at the plate.

The master was getting a little confused.

The master got angry.

Then the master paused to wolf down the food like a starving man, then turned to recover what was rightfully his from the hands of the intruder... just... just as soon as his stomached stopped hurting.

"Oh, Akane-chan, why? Owwweee...." Pained Happosai from his fetal position on the floor.

* * *

In the relative safety of a street, some ten blocks away from the Tendo's, James smiled.

Maybe this would be a piece of cake after all. Maybe.

He held the mirror at arms length, looking it over as well as he could for now. The tattoo had stopped hurting as soon as he left the scene of the crime, and hadn't bothered him since. He wondered why the blasted thing acted like a dog biting its owner to help navigate him. Maybe a pleasant voice in English was too much to ask? However nice it was to have some kind of indicator to his goals, he would still vastly prefer something that didn't distract him by causing pain. Not that there was anything he could do about it, of course, but if he did find a way to 're-program' the thing, or whatever, he would take a chance.

He took a shortcut to the nearby park Ranma had taken him through on his first day in town and just wandered for a while, taking in the sights and sounds of a modern Tokyo suburb. It was handy to know the language, but a little distracting when he wanted to feel isolated. From experience, he felt isolated only when there was no one around or when any people within earshot spoke a language he couldn't understand.

It was a strange feeling to have people about, but feel like you weren't part of the whole, like a benign but still unwanted cancer. Thankfully, even though he was in Japan, Nerima was a very homely place. Seeing Ranma's curse in action was awfully strange, and to hear the boy talk, it seemed like his condition was quite unusual, including unwanted fiancees and all.

Despite the craziness, it was still pleasant just to stop for a moment and breathe; something he hadn't done very much as of late. Maybe, just maybe, he could retire to a place like this someday.

Someday.

* * *

Some philosophers think that the universe is a thing of order and chaos, and the two must always be kept in balance. In a smaller, more focused school of thought, it is widely believed that opposites attract--when referring to people, not just inanimate objects. An observant person would note that the two areas are virtually the same; chaotic people draw people of order to balance themselves and visa-versa.

People like James Rahn and Ranma Saotome just think the universe selectively has it out for him/him/her. That said, it was no great surprise to either party that one came flying out of the air to crash into the other, who was out lamenting his trashed clothes.

"Hey," Said Ranma, getting off of James and dusting himself off.

"Hey yourself," Remarked James, regaining his feet likewise and looking forlornly over his more or less worthless outfit.

"James, ya look like crap. What happened?" Asked Ranma.

"The resident master martial artist. You?"

"Akane,"

"Forget I asked. Ready to go shopping?"

"Again? Aww, I just came _from_ the mall,"

"Oh," James grew a crooked little smile before Ranma stomped it out with a glare. "Really?" James said seriously.

"Yeah, her an' Yuka were out... ya know, doin' girl stuff and shopping and things... and,"

"You said hi, she remarked something else, you put your foot in your mouth and she took one passenger on the Akane express, right?"

"Umm, that's about it. Say, why aren't you dead? Did ya really go after the old letch?" Ranma questioned, nervous to talk about his latest argument with Akane.

"Well, he kinda tossed me around a bit, but nothing I couldn't handle. All the piles of underwear were perfect for making a soft landing."

"You actually got into his 'collection'?" Said Ranma in genuine surprise.

"A master thief should go right to the heart of the matter, or some such bunk like that. At any rate, I feel the need for a suit coming on, and since I have nothing better to wear--"

"And you're wearing it."

"Er... yeah. Anyway, back to the mall?"

Ranma shrugged. "Fine. I don't wanna go home just--"

The ground started to rumble. It wasn't serious shaking by any stretch of the imagination, but James looked a bit surprised. Ranma just stood in place, taking the tremor in stride. Then James shrugged. Japan. Earthquakes happened frequently here, big deal.

Then Ryouga came blasting up from the ground--literally--forcing Ranma to roll away into a fighting crouch to shield himself from the debris.

James looked totally nonplused. "Hi,"

"Um, hello. Do you know the way to..." Ryouga began, then blinked at the Traveler as the dust settled. "Why, aren't you..."

"American? Tall?" James grinned maniacally. "DUSTY?!! Look at this!" James pointed at his clothes and started mumbling.

Ryouga pulled himself out of the hole his entrance had made, his pack and umbrella clearing the edges with room to spare.

"Shishi hokudan?" Questioned Ranma, off to the side, as James started warming up a full-scale senseless rant.

Ryouga nodded his ascent. "Yeah. Who is this guy?"

It was Ranma's turn to blink, though not from the dust. "His name's James Rahn. He's... uh, from another dimension--or so he says."

Ryouga blinked.

"Don't ask about the dimension bit." Ranma amended.

"He a martial artist?" Asked Ryouga.

"Not really." Then Ranma grinned. "Against you, I could understand."

"Ranma..." Ryouga growled.

"Save it for later, piggy, I'd rather not get rolled twice today. I just wanna enjoy the scenery. The scenery, great and luscious and--is that a rock garden? Look at this place!" He pointed at the hole, "I'm TRYING TO TAKE A VACATION and..." James rambled on, wandering aimlessly in and out of conversation, though more out than in, really.

Under normal circumstances, this line of 'conversation' would have grown into a full-blown brawl between Ranma and Ryouga, but these were not normal circumstances. The sight of a tall and extremely dangerous gaijin going into full rant mode proved a distraction strong enough to hold off the long-time rivals from getting it on in a public place. Besides, James was something new in a cesspool of strangeness, and deserved to be both watched closely and feared greatly.

"James!" Ranma shouted in the Traveler's direction.

"Power to spare, might I... eh, what?" James said, a little disoriented.

"You were going shopping?" Ranma prompted.

"Yes. Shall we?"

Ryouga looked at Ranma. "We?"

"He's like this," Ranma said to Ryouga as an answer to the Lost Boy's look.

"WAHAHAHA!!! NOW I HAVE YOU!"

"Wha--?" Ranma barked in surprise before a projectile of lechery bowled him over to get at James.

It was by pure reflex that James was kept from mortal harm as he dodged to one side, letting the blurring brown ball that was the Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts Lechery blow past him.

"--the hell was that?!" James finished as he regained his feet.

The figure--which was well under a meter in height--drew up on its tiny legs and fixed James with a look of bone-chilling hatred burning his is beady eyes. "I have you now, you worthless thief!"

"Who, me?" Asked James.

To any sane human being, the battle aura Happosai was emitting sent a direct message to the brain saying something along the lines of 'RUN AWAY NOW!'. For James, a tickle at the back of his neck was the only warning he had facing Happosai's wrath.

"STEALING! From MY collection! You're all the same. Not one shred of respect--"

"Old man, this goes way beyond you, I, and underwear. Now drop it."

"I don't think so, but if that's the way you want to play it..." The Master reached into his uniform to grasp a small piece of folded paper and shake it menacingly in James' direction. "I can play just fine!"

Without the need of vocal communication, James, Ranma and Ryouga tackled the master as one, smashing the ugly ball a good two feet into the sidewalk. All three fighters stood up a second later, one crushed pervert at their feet.

"Well, at least I feel better. TO THE SUIT!" James power-posed.

"I wish more gaijins were this funny," Ryouga was heard commenting as the trio made their way towards some clothing shop in the distance. In their wake, the short figure stirred slightly.

"I shall not forgive this, James Rahn." Rose from the hole in the pavement formerly known as Happosai. "You will regret the day you crossed me! Urk... pan... ties...."

And so it began.

* * *

"This one?"

"I don't think so,"

"This one?"

"I don't know."

"You're supposed to be helping me!" James slammed his fist down on the rack of pants angrily, which emitted a snapping sound and collapsed under the force of his assault. "Oops."

"Now you've done it," Ranma chuckled as he surveyed the damage. He was bored; there was no reason for him to be inside the store, but at least James was mildly entertaining. And, at this rate he'd rather face Akane or Mr. Tendo... rather than go wandering around with Happosai on the loose. Then again, Happosai was after James, and James...

James was shopping.

James was not shopping well.

James didn't like shopping on general principles.

He didn't even like the _word_.

Which made his situation more than a little humorous to Ranma. Fitting clothing to James' frame in Japan was like trying to hide an elephant behind a fire hydrant, only somehow harder, because James didn't just want _clothing_. No, he had to _look good_, whatever that meant. When it came to suits, James just had to look good. And since James couldn't just rent one, he was going to shell out a hefty sum of cash, which meant he should make his purchases worthwhile. Anyway, that was the general gist, but that fact that he had a boatload of money (which earned him a few strange looks from the store clerks they had seen thus far, but little help) didn't seem to increase the local suit availability factor.

And no, according to James, shopping in the strip or anywhere within a country klick of downtown Tokyo was NOT on his list of To-Do items.

So here they were, poking through a discount shop (and James knocking things down, over, etc) just outside of Nerima that had a promising array of clothing available. At least here he had a large selection, which increased the likelihood he would actually find something suitable, in which case Ranma wouldn't have to chuck him back into the canal he'd fished himself out of.

"Okay, how about this one?" In the background, Ryouga righted the clothing rack, glaring at James.

"Might fit," Said Ranma, attempting and failing to hold a carefully bored tone as James prattled through the clothes.

After a moment, he stood bolt upright, nearly whacking his head against the low ceiling of the store for approximately the nine hundredth time since they had entered, and declared he was ready to make a trip to the dressing room. "These look good. I'll be back in just a minute, okay?"

"Fine. Go. We'll be right here." Ranma said, managing to hold a straight face.

"What he said," Remarked Ryouga as he stepped up behind Ranma, putting one heavy, calloused hand on the pig-tailed boy's shoulder roughly.

"Don't burn the joint down," James departed for the dressing rooms, really just a series of small divided closets at the far end of the store, closets with colorful curtains to keep other patrons--or even passerby's on the street--from seeing in. To his good fortune, James found the clothes a good fit. Swiping his second outfit almost negligently after walking around shortly in the suit, he paid for and dressed fully in his new clothes.

"Whadda ya think, boys?" He said in a falsetto Brooklyn accent.

"What?"

"What?"

James sighed and shook his head. His navy-blue pin-stripe suit was having ZERO effect on the two kids. Didn't these people ever hear of the Yakuza? He even had the fedora, for crying out loud!

He gestured to emphasize the importance of The Suit. Ranma and Ryouga just blinked again like a couple of beached fish. With another disgusted shake of his head, James paid three times what the suit (and accessories, and other clothing, and some lollipops) was worth without concern, then left the store. Outside, he took a deep breath of the fresh springtime air, marveling at how the sun beamed down onto the damp ground, his only concern the last task he had left to accomplish before leaving.

Leaving.

What a shame... he did wish he could stay longer. Now, if that stupid tattoo stuck to his arm had a goddamn instruction manual, things would be a different story, in which case I wouldn't bother writing this one, but...

The tattoo started screaming. This, James would ignore on general principles, as it couldn't literally scream, of course. But at that moment, if it had a voice, it would have screamed. A sound of ancient woes and lost loves and the pain of seeing fallen comrades peppered with a fear beyond understanding would have given it nicely seasoned voice, lent it their sorrows, to hear such a scream.

In this case, James not only heard it, somehow, but his arm also caught on fire.

"YEEEOOOOUUCCHH!!!"

"Now I send you to Hell."

Then the Traveler's blood ran cold.

"What do you want, you old freak?!" Shouted Ranma, instantly taking up a fighting stance the right of the shocked Traveler. James didn't move except to place his flaming appendage just in front of Ranma, who stepped back a bit at seeing James' arm on fire and James not really caring.

"Put that thing away, you have no idea what it contains." James said warily to the pissed off martial arts master in front of him.

"No. I think it's time you learned a lesson, young man."

"Don't patronize me, you piece of dried up jerky--ow!"

Happosai landed lightly on his feet, just out of range of Ranma or James' attacks. James rubbed his head; none of them had even seen the short man move.

"And now," Happosai said, slowly pulling apart the wadded up piece of paper he'd been holding earlier. "You get yours, Rahn."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!"

Time went into slow motion.

Ranma dove for Happi, who jumped out of the way and tossed the paper at Ryouga's feet. Ryouga whipped out his umbrella in preparation to attack the letch. James took off the ruined top to his suit calmly, a sickly red light pulsing from his right forearm through the toasted undershirt. Ranma launched a stream of solid attacks against the height-challenged martial artist and received a pipe on the chin for his efforts. Ryouga gave a mighty swing, also missing Happosai but giving the concrete sidewalk (and later the road workers) Hell.

Happosai then proceeded to dance around James, laughing maniacally as he rained blow after blow on the unprotected interloper. As James tried to wrestle up some defense, he saw smoke billowing out of the paper like a dozen weekend edition newspapers were ready to catch aflame. However, this smoke was a pale blue in color, and most certainly did NOT remind James of a certain television show's cheesy special effects.

"My God!" He yelled, giving away the author's best pun. "It IS Power Ranger special effects!"

Happosai was distracted for only a fraction of a second, the smallest hole appearing in his guard, but it was enough for James to back out of range, shouting to find Ranma and Ryouga. Ranma pulled himself out of a nearby wall and waved, but he couldn't see Ryouga. A grunt of pain caught James' attention to his right and he returned it a second later as a small but incredibly hard object slammed into his stomach.

James doubled over coughing and gasping, only to still look down on Happosai, who stood in front of him twirling his pipe idly.

"Fancy meeting you here," James managed to gasp out after a second. The smoke wasn't getting any thicker, but it wasn't clearing either. Ranma was shouting Ryouga's name, but James knew somewhere inside that he was in serious trouble. What demon Happosai had let loose James couldn't name to save his life, but whatever it was called, it had probably just taken over Ryouga's body; he was nearest to ground zero.

James glared hatefully at the martial artist, who just sneered back in silence.

"Okay. Okay you," James squared his shoulders. "You've tortured us enough for today. You didn't own that damn mirror and shouldn't have that seal either. You've caused enough trouble for _five_ evil people! It's high time I started laying the smack down."

"Talk talk talk. Don't you have anything better to say? Or maybe you have a few pairs of my silky precious to offer for your insolence."

"Heh. It's your lucky day, old man." Then James spit at the master's eye.

Happi dodged the wad of phlegm and God-knows-what-else with ease, but only barely blocked the snake-quick strike aimed for his head. Suddenly, James was in a whole new league, moving like the wind, his fists whistling, smashing concrete with ease. "JAMES!" And suddenly his wasp-like concentration was interrupted.

"What?"

"Happosai, NOT the BUILDINGS!"

"Huh?" James blinked. "He was right there a second ago!"

James frantically looked around for his target that only a split-second ago had been within his grasp.

"Looking for someone?" Called a voice above them.

James and Ranma turned as one to face Happosai, instinctively moving to guard each other's flanks. Happosai stood behind a billowing cloud of smoke atop a nearby building. He cackled evilly behind his flimsy shield, preparing to taunt his playmates down below. {I should be hanged for making puns this subtle.} Ranma and James held their ground, eyeing the area carefully. Both noted at the same instant that Ryouga was nowhere to be seen. Happosai was known to dabble in the black arts; in fact, anything he did came under extreme suspicion (magical or not).

James in particular had a bad feeling about this one, especially with the way his tattoo was pulsing with eldritch light, and burning his skin like a block of dry-ice was strapped to his arm. Strangely, the pain no longer distracted him either, instead focusing his thoughts, carefully locking the target before him in mind and freeing it from other tasks.

All the same, James ground his teeth together in anger. "Well, any other parlor tricks to amaze us with, or was that it?"

"I think it's time you two learned a lesson. Ranma, how could you share secrets of the Anything Goes school with this... this... vile interloper."

"Vile?!" James shouted in shock.

"Interloper? I haven't shown him nothin'!" Ranma protested loudly.

"Ranma, that's a double-negative." James whispered.

"Die, Freak!!!" Ranma was content to yell as James made warding gestures. Ryouga suddenly bounded out of the debris field to his right, and James steered the Lost Boy toward Happosai, following on his heels.

Ranma opened with a dive-kick that Happosai easily deflected with his tiny wooden pipe, dodged Ryouga's earth-shattering strikes, and... blinked.

James descended from above with a war cry, ready to skewer the letch with a well-placed kick when the tiny form grabbed a flailing Ryouga by the ankle and flung him into James. The two crashed into a nice, soft brick wall in much the same manner as a like a wrecking ball might. In the process, James' hair got messed up and Ryouga's tunic was slightly scuffed. At that same moment, Ranma launched a surprise attack at Happosai's back, knocking the perverted master across the street where he regained his footing and growled something about panties.

That was when James latched onto the master, biting and clawing with everything he had. Ranma stood in amazement as James fought about as dirty he could. Ryouga hefted a smashed chunk of the sidewalk over his head, preparing to throw it when James got out of the way, or rather when James got right _in_ the way.... After a few moments of brutal struggling, Happosai finally untangled himself from James. The Traveler growled like a caged animal as he was thrown away, only to see Happosai get slammed into the ground by an immense piece of concrete half an instant later.

"In... grates..." The mauled martial arts master hissed, crushed the ground. "Oh... you'll pay."

"I think not." James said, his voice shaky. "You don't yet know what revenge is." Something in James' tone reminded Ranma of metal crushing ice. James was severely pissed--probably best to keep his distance... especially with his arm glowing like Hellfire.

The wizened master glared at James for a second, then bound straight up, zooming over rooftops faster than the eye could follow.

"Damn it!" Ranma yelled. "He's probably going to recharge."

"He's probably going to go off and die." James said.

"He just doesn't _do_ that, though." Ranma exclaimed.

"He doesn't?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Tell him, Ryo--Ryouga?" Ranma frowned. "Well that tears it, he's wandered off again."

"Not good. Happosai could've done something to him." James said.

"What makes ya think that?" Ranma asked.

"Just one of those feelings." James said, brushing past Ranma in the general direction of the dojo, picking at his torn suit.

"Sorry 'bout your clothes, man."

"It happens. Not your fault."

Ranma grinned and shrugged; he liked hearing that.

* * *

On the way back to the dojo, James finally shucked the last of his good suit to reveal a second set of clothing underneath: a ninja suit.

Ranma stared.

Then he stared some more.

And when he was done with all that, he went back to staring.

"What?" James finally asked.

Ranma continued to (you guess it) stare at James' first-rate replica of a classical ninjitsu suit. It reminded him of Kuno's retainer: the greatly annoying thing known as Sasuke. James, however, was easily twice Sasuke's size and three times the ninja's weight. Ranma started to snicker after he pictured James kicking the crap out of Sasuke with American wrestling moves, and didn't stop until long after they reached the dojo.

James came out of the bathroom, clad in a generic wool business like his first, but in a slightly different shade of gray. He still had the ninja suit on underneath, but didn't need to wear it right now. He figured it was probably time to leave and let Ranma and Ryo--

James ran into Ranma from behind. Not deliberately, understand. The teen had been just around the corner of the ground floor, by the foot of the stairs, staring at something through the kitchen window. After both picked themselves up, Ranma pointed out the window, grabbing James by the collar.

"James, I think we have a problem."

James followed Ranma's pointing finger while trying vainly to breathe or at least pry loose the boy's fingers so that his head wouldn't come flying off like a Champaign cork any second now. After a moment of furious struggle, Ranma finally let go, but continued to stare out the window. Coughing, James got a good look at the city.

His eyes widened. "Christ, we have to stop him!"

Ranma nodded and the two quickly made their way out the back, the sounds of growling and small ki-blasts coming from the center of Nerima district. In the back yard, Kasumi appeared to be watching the fireworks.

"James-san, Ranma. Are you going out?"

"Don't SAY that!" James responded, then blinked. It wasn't the words...

"Say what?"

James blinked. He looked at Kasumi's placid expression and then at the destruction being wrought just a few dozen blocks away. "Never mind." Something didn't compute, so he just did as always, nodding dumbly while he followed Ranma over the rear fence into the street.

**HONK!**

James and Ranma both jumped straight up, a brown Honda just barely missing them. "HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" James yelled after the frightened driver. "That guy..." He muttered.

"Let's go!" Ranma egged on, sprinting for the disturbance. After a few paces, he easily jumped onto the nearest roof.

"Hey!" James shouted from below.

"I'll meet you--holy!" Ranma's eyes bugged out.

"What?" James asked, worry clawing at his gut like a sleepy cat.

"It's... It's Ryouga?"

"I KNEW this day was going to suck..."

* * *

At the scene of the crime, Ranma and James had plenty of debris to hide behind. That was good, because Ryouga--encased in a green and orange aura that flickered like a firefly on its twelfth drink--was tossing around miscellaneous chunks of the sidewalk, nearby buildings, cars, etc. while screaming in a rage. Ducking behind what used to be some part of the roadway, James could see several bicycles parked by a flaming restaurant just down the street. He considered using one to approach Ryouga rapidly and maybe knock him down, when a green fireball slammed into the restaurant, burying the bikes under about five thousand pounds of dirt and concrete.

"Damn," James swore, impressed.

Then Ranma jumped over the pile to deliver a flying kick aimed at the back of Ryouga's head. Following his lead, James rolled across the street to another piece of cover, firing off a blast from his hand in the process.

"What the fuck?" James stared at his hand. He only just realized it then, but his entire body was covered by a dim red-purplish aura, radiating out from the tattoo on his forearm. "Hey, this could be useful," He looked up to see Ranma fly by overhead and slam into the side of a building, upside-down. Maybe he planned that... naw.

James fired off two more quick blasts, drawing Ryouga's attention. The martial artist turned towards James and fired a small orange ki-blast at him. James leaped away, feeling the pile get blasted into oblivion behind him. He and Ranma quickly regrouped in an alleyway another few blocks away from the rampaging teen.

"So, this happen often?" James asked off-hand.

"This? Huh-uh. Never did anything like it before. An' I don't like the way his eyes are glowin'." Ranma said, panting.

"They're glowing?" James asked.

"Yeah, they're glowing bright yellow. Or, like gold." Ranma said.

"Damn it! DAMN IT!" James cursed.

"What?" Ranma asked.

"Demon. Called up by a cult called the Black Tide. They summon these things, say they're spirits from the deep, and place their souls into an unwilling person to use them as a tool of destruction." James said quickly, as if rattling off a simple fact.

"How do you know all this?" Asked Ranma, somewhat confused by James' rapid-fire wording.

"I... I..." James sighed. "I don't know. There's something _like_ them on the last place I was at... I knew about them too, but I can't remember _how_." He took another deep breath. "Look, just... don't worry about right now. It's probably the tattoo. It can banish this thing, destroy its soul--hopefully without killing Ryouga... unless you want him dead."

"Uh... no. We fight a lot, but he's kinda my friend..." Ranma said, looking at the ground.

"Then it's settled; we'll save him. Now we just have to weaken him." James said.

"Okay, a plan! ...How are we gonna do that?!" Ranma shouted.

Another fireball came in for a close encounter and put a car-sized crater in the ground outside of their hiding place, followed shortly by more indistinct growling.

"With Ryouga doing a Godzilla impersonation on Tokyo? Run. Running should work just fine." James said.

"Hey, Ranchan! What's gotten into Ryouga-kun?!" Shouted a female voice. James ducked at the noise but quickly realized there was no real threat and tried to make himself presentable as the figure drew closer.

"Ucchan? You shouldn't be here. The old freak did somethin' to him." Ranma said.

After a year in San Francisco, James had no problem telling the person standing in front of them was a girl. (A fairly attractive one too, by his standards.) "Hey, who is this?"

"Her name's Ukyou. An old friend of mine," Ranma said.

"Fiancee, you cad." She said, somewhat jokingly.

"Oh, hello Ukyou." James said, bowing.

"Hello..."

"James, James Rahn." James offered.

"All right, Rahn-san--" Ukyou began.

"Don't SAY that."

"Say what?" She said, scowling.

"Never mind." James shook his head. "To the battle!"

"But you said we should--" Began Ranma.

"Never listen to a running man, boy!" James shouted in pale imitation of Genma.

"Right. Sure." Ranma said flatly as he chased after the dimension-crossing martial artist.

"Don't forget about me!" Shouted Ukyou, hot on their tails.

After a few moments of dodging ki blasts and throwing insults back, James was pretty much convinced he was screwed six ways from Sunday. When Ryouga threw a light pole at him--perhaps to congratulate him on living so long, in a perverse sort of way, he KNEW he was screwed... well, that didn't bear any further thought. Ukyou and Ranma were fast enough to stay out of Ryouga's range, but even with the massive pole-arm Ukyou had produced from thin air, they just weren't doing enough damage to hurt him.

James thought through his options while he closed and traded blows with the possessed martial artist. Short of using a Sherman tank, he wasn't going to kill the boy. Knocking him out had proven impossible thus far. James then ducked a kick and executed a low sweep, knocking his opponent down. There was one option, but it wasn't the sort of behavior he was inclined to engage in. It always made him feel like... like less of a human being whenever he acted that way. Ryouga bounced to his feet, then floated up off the ground, negating any further foot sweeps.

"Great," Commented James, before being kicked into a specialty tea-shop.

"Shouldn't this be slowing him down?" Asked a bedraggled Ukyou.

"He should be dead!" Ranma hissed. "Even with HIS stamina! Somethin' is REALLY wrong here!"

The pair was hiding behind some massive crates near a restaurant that had just been flattened. Separated from James just after rejoining in combat, they'd come out for a second round only to be put on the defensive. James had taken his lumps too, and Ryouga wasn't slowing down at all. Now it was time to get desperate.

"Maybe if we had a Shinto priest on hand..." Ukyou mumbled aloud.

"Huh?" Ranma asked with his usual attention to detail.

"You know, someone that could... uh, exorcise this thing?" Her eyes lit up and she looked almost hopeful. "Say, did he eat any of Akane's cooking recently?"

"Don't think so. James did, but he's still alive."

Ukyou blinked, complete with sound effects. "Really? Well, we can just let those two monsters battle it out and have a little time alone together..." She scooted closer to Ranma, who started to develop a twitch in one hand.

"Ah... that is... uh, to say I... meant that--"

"OW! Oh, Hell!"

**THUD!**

"James?!" Ranma practically leapt to the smoking man's aid, pulling James out of the small crater he'd made on impact. "Are you okay, man?"

"Owie..." James eyes rolled in his head, independent of one another.

"Great, looks like it's just the two of us."

Ukyou hefted her battle spatula confidently. "Then let's do this."

They jumped to battle.

* * *

James came to a few moments later, laying on the ground almost buried in a mountain of fried noodles.

"Ah, this isn't too bad."

A building fell down somewhere. James watched the dust rise in great clouds in the distance.

"Pretty nice, in fact."

Someone yelled something in Chinese, and there was another small explosion.

"What the fuck?!!" James sat bolt upright, grimacing. "I'm okay..." He hissed through clenched teeth. "It _will_ heal... OW!"

As another house was knocked down, James finally got to his feet. His suit was trashed and covered in Chinese food--mostly ramen noodles. He wasn't seriously injured, but he wouldn't be going down hill skiing for a while. He had suddenly acquired a minor fear of falling. No... that wasn't right, it was being thrown.

Thrown? Images came to the Traveler in a rush. Gasping for breath as the blur of color and shapes subdued from his vision, he could only nod.

Stumbling from the wreck of the restaurant (who would name their place the Black Brick Cafe anyway?), James found his bearings, surveying the massive damage to the ward with a stoic eye.

It was time to go Rahn.

He bolted for the center of combat, the tattoo on his arm glowing like a rod of nuclear waste sewed under his skin.

"Raaagghh!!!" Echoed the being formerly known as Ryouga Hibiki. It had finally declared victory over the two pests bothering it and was ready to finish up it's business of destroying the rest of the known world.

It was a rough job, but somebody had to do it.

James closed on the demon like track star--quickly and with little wasted energy. Just as the demon was turning it's head, James plowed into it's side with a spinning/flying kick that pushed it backwards a dozen yards. James landed easily on his feet, facing the monster, hands resting by his sides. He eyes were almost glazed over; wide open and taking in everything, but focusing on something just beyond normal perception.

The thing that held Ryouga growled a growl that shook the earth, then stood to it's full height facing James. Ryouga was fairly large for a Japanese teen ager, and the demon spirit in his system had already made him a head taller. His skin was covered in some places with thick scales, and it looked like he'd gained an extra twenty kilos of muscle. All traces of human intelligence were gone from it's eyes, however, leaving only the blood lust; the intent to kill and dismember indiscriminately written plainly across it's face.

James didn't say a word or so much as twitch. He was waiting for the demon to make the first move.

The demon eyed James for roughly ten seconds before barging forward head first, intent on simply bashing James into next week. The nimble martial artist quickly closed the gap at the same time, simply walking through Ryouga's guard like it wasn't even there. The beast turned quickly, looking intently for James, who landed lightly on the monster's head. As a large hand, harder than stone, came up to swat him away, James jumped off with a summersault and fired a blast of red energy as he landed. This time, the beast rocked back and _screamed_. James felt as if his eardrums were going to tear themselves loose and setup a picket line.

The demon charged again, claws extending from his hands and whistling through the air. James just barely dodged out of the way, then threw a long kick into the monster's chest and followed through with another small blast.

The demon backed off slightly, actually looking at James with some measure of respect in it's clouded eyes.

Both seemed to rear back slightly, preparing for a powerful attack, then James just fired a massive red ball of cackling energy without so much as blinking. The demon was readying for an all-out assault (such tactical abilities as subtlety were not a large part of it's thought process), and hence, had no defense against the huge ball of magic that slammed into it.

For a full minute, Ryouga's form writhed in the sickly red flames that did not burn his clothing while James slumped to the ground, staring dumbly ahead; totally spent. The flames died down slowly, returning Ryouga to the ground only slightly toasted. His form was almost completely back to normal (which meant the small fangs and all), without a mark on him.

James stayed in place, sitting in the rubble with a blank look on his face until Ranma and Ukyou ran up.

"Is he dead?" Asked Ranma nervously, holding his arm. Both looked a little battered and were pretty much exhausted, but neither was seriously injured.

Ukyou walked over to Ryouga with her guard up until she nudged him a few times with her toe. Then she bent over to get a better look at him. "Hey, he looks back to normal. Breathing too; he's alive."

"That's good to hear," Ranma said, letting down his guard. "Hey, James. Are you okay?"

James didn't respond for a few seconds, only speaking just as Ranma waved a hand in front of his face. "No."

Then he collapsed.

* * *

The rain was pouring again; entire clouds of moisture dropping onto the battered landscape en masse with the same relentless fury as a platoon of Marines.

These were perfectly normal conditions to the residents and there was much rejoicing.

James was ready to leave by the day's end, declaring he didn't get hurt much, he was just a little shocked. The tattoo could talk to him, and spent most of the afternoon berating him for being such a bonehead and eternally thanking the powers that be (which James apparently worked for) that James able to eventually get it right. James spent a few hours listening, then a few arguing, and the Tendo home got to see a full rant right in their back yard as James bitched out his own right arm {just picture this... creepy, isn't it?}.

Ryouga wasn't even bruised, but he seemed a little mellowed out. He didn't remember anything and promptly got lost before James could give the him a piece of his mind.

Ukyou teased Akane about her missing the big fight, which somehow resulted in a Ranma malleting, but James gone by the time that came to pass.

And as the week went by, things went back to normal.

Until Ranma walked into the Nekohanten for lunch...

* * *

"Son-in-law, please, sit down and tell me about this battle you were involved in. I hear Ryouga really cleaned your clock." Cologne said, perched behind the counter.

"Well, heh. I suppose so, but he took his licks too." Ranma replied nervously.

"All good then, I take it."

"Yeah, James took care of him. He came back yesterday, you know."

"This James character?"

"No, Ryouga. We fought again, the usual."

"And so it goes, son-in-law." Cologne said with a chuckle, setting a bowl of piping hot ramen in front of Ranma, who gobbled it up like a starving man. "Have you ever thought of settling down, having some kids... maybe teaching a few classes?"

"Uh... I'd like to finish school first. And practice some more. I got plenty of time to teach later... what?"

"Ah-hah." Cologne said, looking at the martial artist strangely. "Couldn't interest you in a trip to China, could I?"

Ranma stared at Cologne for long minute, then tipped his bowl and downed the broth in the bottom. "Nah, I'll do okay."

"That's a surprising revelation." Cologne said suspiciously.

"Not really. That gaijin was a pretty cool guy. Nice, understanding... somewhat. But he got me thinkin', y'know?"

"You? Not likely."

"No, I'm serious. He's like, got this talking thing in his arm and he's bouncing from one place to another with no control in his life, but it doesn't bother him." To her credit, Cologne managed a straight face while Ranma rattled off the facts as he knew them.

"I was under the impression from the local doctor that he ranted like an escaped mental patient." Cologne countered.

"Um..." Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Yeah... that's what it _seems_ like, but there's more to him than that. He didn't have to help us--and we coulda handled Ryouga without his help--"

"Right." Said Cologne, watching as the sarcasm missed Ranma by a country klick.

"But he helped us anyhow. Just on the principle of thing. Insane or not, gaijin or not, he's a true martial artist." Ranma finished.

"And that's what got you thinking?"

"Pretty much. Being a martial artist is about protecting people who can't protect themselves and helping whenever possible."

"That sounds like a highly enlightened point of view, coming from you, son-in-law. A mature point of view."

"Well, I've always wanted to be a martial artist, a real one, like my dad used to talk about. An' then James shows up and he ain't perfect, but he, y'know, is a martial artist."

"So what did he do that was so good. I am, of course, assuming this is the man who was responsible for that despicable display of testosterone that mashed a quarter of Nerima into the ground?"

"Well, besides saving Ryouga, he said there was something else he had to take care of, and that started the whole thing in the first place..."

"Oh really? Such as..." Cologne led on.

"Well, he said Happosai might do something bad with it, heh. Like he hasn't tried already."

"With what?" Cologne said, hiding her worry.

"... And it was what he was here for any way..."

"Ranma!" Cologne said sharply.

Ranma looked into his empty ramen bowl. "He uh... blew up the Nanban mirror."

* * *

In Hell, the demons paused to shiver, wondering why it had been so cold that day.

* * *

"He what?!"

"He said it'd become 'unstable' or somethin', an' his boss wanted it vaporized. So... that's what he did."

"...priceless Amazon treasure... the time-shifting Nanban mirror... gone?" Stuttered Cologne. Sure, the recent happenings around Nerima had her interested, but she had been occupied haggling with a vendor for fish stock when it all happened and had kept Shampoo and Mouse busy in her absence. Ranma attracted strange things to the district, no doubt, but this had officially taken the cake, buried it, and built a condo on the land.

Cologne threw her head back, utilizing an ancient Rahn technique.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

-End Episode 1


End file.
